I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
