Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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