no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Congratulations! We have a period
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