so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
