3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
