I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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