You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
