Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
