i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
