I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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