I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Randomize
