sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
