I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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