i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
do nipples grow back?
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