I've blown a few things in my day
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
