But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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