another moral hangover. fuck.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
