the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
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