I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
