You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
