Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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