I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
