wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he puts the penis in happiness.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
