there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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