I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize