her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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