We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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