i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
