i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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