She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
