I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
