He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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