is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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