The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
