After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
