i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
