New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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