i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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