Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
