I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
FUCK WHALES
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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