4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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