Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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