I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
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