I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
