ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize