oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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