We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
