Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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