Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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