Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
