i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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