So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
two words...techno handjob
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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