Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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