Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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