it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
