Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
