i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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