haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
