she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Randomize
