I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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