i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
